How am I supposed to act??

I don't even know how I am supposed to act ....  I have made a few references to "my friend" who hurt me.... the one that I miss.  Well this friend has asked me to go to the museum with him tonight.  We haven't talked or hung out in almost a year.  I haven't changed much, I am still me, I am still overweight, my life hasn't changed I am still just ME.  I am working on ME that is probably the biggest  change.  I decided after thinking about it that I would go.... I want to see what he has to say after all these months that have passed by.  I am curious if I even really "miss" him... or if it was just my mind telling me that I do.  I am not sure how to feel about going to the museum with him.  I don't even know if I want to.  I am afraid of being hurt again, I am afraid of what will happen and I have all these crazy thoughts running through my head.  I am setting myself up not to be hurt and not to feel vulnerable in this situation.  I don't want to feel anything.  I wish there was a way to just be numb about the past and forget it and move on.  But when something is so hurtful it is hard to forget those things and just move past them.  I am so confused and don't even know what to say or how to act.....I want to just be ME, but being ME in this situation is hard.  I am emotional, I have feelings I am supposed to ... I can't just turn them off.  Even if I wanted to... which I do... it is impossible!  I wish this was easy, but nothing in life is easy...if that were the case I wouldn't be where I am today.  I am not letting this get in my way of taking care of ME and of my healthiness goals because that is why I am here.  Maybe it is a good stepping stone and a way to cure what has been going on in my head and these feelings I have had about missing him... maybe just maybe this is a good thing and it won't be as bad as I keep thinking it will.  I will update after my museum visit tonight....I am hoping that things go well and that things are put into perspective.