Accountability

What is accountability? To me accountability is being responsible for my own actions, being responsible for myself and being accountable for what I am doing. The definition of accountability is this: The quality or state of being accountable; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions. Truth – we are responsible for our actions and certain actions have consequences. Even in weight loss there are consequences if we are not accountable for ourselves. Each decision we make determines the range of choices that we will face next. My goal was to get under 300 lbs this week, however certain choices I made over the weekend caused me to gain instead of lose. I am accountable for those choices. I know the reason I didn’t lose. I think that making yourself accountable for things makes you realize when you might need to change things to meet your goals. I know what I did that caused me to gain instead of lose and I take responsibility for it and choose to focus on doing better this week.

I am a tracker – I track everything. Even before starting WW I was a tracker. I used the “my fitness pal” app. I tracked calories. It wasn’t working for me which is the reason I joined WW. I think sometimes even the accountability on the scale at your meetings makes a difference. I always get in my car and head to my meetings on Monday’s. In my mind I think “If I have gained then I am not staying for the meeting”, but what would the purpose of that be. Isn’t that why I go to the meetings in the first place? I get there I weigh in and usually either way gain or loss…I stay. Why? Because I need to. It helps me to be accountable. I know WW and meetings isn’t for everyone, but it is for me. I need to go somewhere that helps me be accountable for what I am doing. I need to know where I am at and the scale at home doesn’t help with that. I like that when I have a good loss on the scale that my leader congratulates me for that loss and when I don’t see a loss that she asks what she can do or if I know what happened and the reason for that gain. I need that accountability. I also know that you can’t beat yourself up if you fall off track, you just get right back on and take the responsibility for it. I know that this week is going to be a better week. I am hoping that I can meet my goal and get under 300. I am counting on me and I got this, and if the scale isn’t under 300 I am not going to beat myself up for it, I am just going to keep going. I mean stopping is not an option….that is what got me here in the first place. This coming weekend is going to push me to my limits with a Halloween Party and all the finger foods and snacking….but I know I can do it.

** The greatest battles in life are fought in the silent chambers of the soul. – David O. McKay

A goal....

I often ask myself what a goal is..... I have to think about it sometimes.  My goal is to ultimately be healthy.  I am on my way, and I am working really hard at this journey and I am not giving up.  I am on week 5 of this journey and I am happy to report that things are going really well.  I know the scale is just a number but sometimes that number matters.  This week the number I am reaching for is something under 300.  I am so close that I just want to hit that goal....I have been overweight most of my life with ups and downs and a that crazy cycle of yo-yo diets.  WW seems to be working for me and I plan to stick with it until the end and beyond that.  It is so important for me to be healthy.  The last few years I have been stuck in this crazy rut of not feeling good enough.  I know I am good enough, but when you hear that you are not so much it makes you start thinking that way.  I think my relationship with my best friend at the time is what really made me feel like I wasn't good enough.  11 years of friendship to just say "well I don't feel like we are on the same healthiness journey" is hurtful.  It hurt so bad that it made me go into this depression of feeling not good enough.  It made me feel like if I wasn't good enough for my best friend then who would I be good enough for.  I know I go back to this often because it was a moment for me.  It wasn't the reason I was overweight but it was the reason at that point in my life that I stopped caring about me, about who I was about my weight.  I still plan to tell this friend of mine in the future that what he said truly hurt me.  I don't plan on doing it now or anytime soon but one day it will happen.  I know now that I am good enough and I care enough about myself to do something for myself.  I also care enough about my son to be here for him and being here for him means reaching for my goals and meeting them.  My first goal is to reach 290....and then I will set another goal.  I am doing this for me and my son and no one else.  I realize now that I matter and that anything is possible.

 

Here is a picture of me in my new workout shirt from Ruffles with love.  Check out the shop here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/RufflesWithLove

Vacation :) and a weigh in....

I have been on vacation for the last week.  I was worried and stressed about my weigh in tonight.  I didn't track the entire time I have been gone.  I did do a lot of walking so maybe with the walking and the combination of not eating everything in site led to this......

Previous weight: 304.6
Loss: 1.8
Current Weight 302.8

I am super happy with a loss....anytime I see a loss on the scale I know that I am headed in the right direction.  If I see a loss after being on vacation for a week then I am for sure on the right path.  I know it isn't always about the number on the scale but sometimes the number matters in your own head.  It mattered in mine and I am so happy. 

I had the best vacation and got to spend it in Disneyland.  It was so much fun and I enjoyed every minute of hanging out with my little cutie and my mom.  My roommate also went and we all had a blast.  I am planning my next vacation for June of next year in Florida and I am hoping to be down under 250.  I won't beat myself up if I don't reach that goal....but I think it is a reasonable one.  :)  I will leave you with some pictures as it is late and I am super sleepy.  I am back from vacation and plan to blog more frequent... please share with your friends.  I also have an awesome post for you all hopefully tomorrow.