Sunday - new shoes and crock pot cooking!

I am so excited!  I bought some awesome new shoes that I can wait till they come.  I am freaking excited. 

Are they not the cutest shoes ever??  I can't wait for them to come in the mail.  I always ordered some really cute new glasses in the mail.  I can't wait for them to come either, they shipped last week so they should be here the first part of the week and I can't wait!

My cousin called me today and told me how excited she was for me to get my shakeology and workout videos in the mail.  Talk about awesome encouragement.  It is great to see that someone is there for me and is hoping that I do good.  It made me so happy to hear from her.  I know I can to this and so it just made it that more reassuring for me that she was excited for me to get started and to do a good job.

I am crock pot cooking today.  I found this amazing recipe online at www.skinnytaste.com for buffalo chicken wraps.  I am cooking the buffalo chicken and then just going to put it on top of lettuce instead of doing the lettuce wraps but I can't wait to try the chicken it looks so delicious.  If you want the recipe head over to the blog and just search for crock pot buffalo chicken.  I will let you know how it turns out but the picture of it look just simply fabulous! :)

Last night I hung out with my little bubba, we played wii and watched sponge bob and we put together his power wheels he was so excited to get to ride it today.  We went and picked up his sisters (they live with their dad they are kids from his first marriage) he was so excited to show him how he can ride it and how much fun it is.  He is such a cute kid, I don't know what I would do without him.  They are staying until after dinner and then they are headed back home.  It has been a good day.  I am excited to start the week and eat healthy and do the things I know I am supposed to.  Breakfast was a complete failure this morning my car drove itself to McDonald's or at least I would like to blame my car for my McDonald's visit.  2 sausage and cheese biscuits later....they sure tasted good.  I know it wasn't the best breakfast but it is done and over with and I am moving on.... I have an addiction to those but the ones I make at home are healthier and they taste just as good, I need to remember that!!

Here is to the start of a new week! :) 

A loss is a loss....

So just a quick update... I went to the Dr. today and I have lost 7 lbs since the last time I was in her office.  I did however find out that I don't weigh what I thought I did and that my scales at home are completely messed up... I was thinking I weighed 298, however the Dr. told me today that I weighed 313 and I am down 7 lbs since a month ago...which means a month ago I weighed 320!!  I completely freaked out but I know what I need to do and I am working towards all of my goals.  I ordered my workout videos today and shakeology.  I wasn't planning on doing any funky things for weight loss but my cousin has done so good doing skakeology and P90X that I decided to give it a try... I am not at any type of fitness level or weight to be doing P90X so they recommended some other workouts that are for fat burning.  I am excited to get started...they should be here in 5-7 days and I can't wait!  I am so committed this time by far more committed than anytime in the past.  I need this and I am so excited to get this weight off and get it off for good!  Plus I am not planning on wasting any money and it was a little bit pricey.  I didn't get to workout today very much but I did some walking and I put together my sons new power wheels....that took me 2 hours and a lot of moving around on the floor, putting the thing together.... so needless to say I did a little bit of a workout - GO ME!! :)

A night at the museum....

I had a good night at the museum.  The museum is located downtown by the city library.  It is so amazing there.  We went to the museum and it was interesting.  I had never been before so I wasn't sure what The Leonardo had in store for me.  It was fun, I learned about DNA, played on the green screen and made some small video clips.  It was so interesting and nice just to be out.  It was also good to see my friend.  Even after the hurtful things it is hard for me not to forgive.  I just didn't bring up the past, it isn't worth it and I figure that I just have to move on in order to get through this part of my life.  So after the museum we went to the top of the city library.  It was beautiful and what an amazing view.

That is one of the things I love about this city, we sure have amazing views and the mountains are just breathtaking.

We then went to dinner.... now let me tell you something about dinner, I would have never guessed that the pasta bowl I had chose to eat had over 1300 calories in it.  I am thinking I should have checked the calories before ordering.  Not to fear though, I put over half of it in a box and was planning to take it for lunch today but decided the extra calories were just not worth it considering I have a visit to the doctors office tomorrow.  It was a good night and I stressed more than I should have.  I think things will be fine and if we don't hang out again I am okay with that.... I think I got my closure. 

I will post again tomorrow after the doctor....keeping my fingers crossed! 

How am I supposed to act??

I don't even know how I am supposed to act ....  I have made a few references to "my friend" who hurt me.... the one that I miss.  Well this friend has asked me to go to the museum with him tonight.  We haven't talked or hung out in almost a year.  I haven't changed much, I am still me, I am still overweight, my life hasn't changed I am still just ME.  I am working on ME that is probably the biggest  change.  I decided after thinking about it that I would go.... I want to see what he has to say after all these months that have passed by.  I am curious if I even really "miss" him... or if it was just my mind telling me that I do.  I am not sure how to feel about going to the museum with him.  I don't even know if I want to.  I am afraid of being hurt again, I am afraid of what will happen and I have all these crazy thoughts running through my head.  I am setting myself up not to be hurt and not to feel vulnerable in this situation.  I don't want to feel anything.  I wish there was a way to just be numb about the past and forget it and move on.  But when something is so hurtful it is hard to forget those things and just move past them.  I am so confused and don't even know what to say or how to act.....I want to just be ME, but being ME in this situation is hard.  I am emotional, I have feelings I am supposed to ... I can't just turn them off.  Even if I wanted to... which I do... it is impossible!  I wish this was easy, but nothing in life is easy...if that were the case I wouldn't be where I am today.  I am not letting this get in my way of taking care of ME and of my healthiness goals because that is why I am here.  Maybe it is a good stepping stone and a way to cure what has been going on in my head and these feelings I have had about missing him... maybe just maybe this is a good thing and it won't be as bad as I keep thinking it will.  I will update after my museum visit tonight....I am hoping that things go well and that things are put into perspective.

It's only Tuesday...

I had the best weekend.  I spent it hanging out with my best buddies!  They are so much fun  to be around and we had such a good time just being silly!  We went to dinner it was so nice the weather has been amazing and we were able to sit outside on this little patio.  Patio dining is my favorite!  I love eating outside and just people watching.  I had chicken Parmesan for dinner and only ate half.  I put half in the box for the next night but forgot to grab it out of my roommates car.  It is the first weekend since Christmas since my X has taken my son overnight.  It was nice to get out for a little silliness and some adult time, but I miss him like crazy whenever he is gone. 

Me and my BFF..... Just having a fun time.

Me, my roommate and my BFF.... Just being silly :)

It has been so hot in the house the last couple days that I just haven't felt like doing anything...and I mean anything... even getting up to use the bathroom seems like this horrible chore, and forget sleeping in this kind of heat.  It is only in the 80's right now but in the 80's outside means even warmer inside.  I can't wait to get my cooler hooked up and get a little air going through this place, but until then I will just have to settle on having the windows and doors open and hope no little creatures crawl or fly into my house.....I hate bugs! :) 
I have been doing pretty good on my eating but man this exercise things is kicking me in the you know what!  I just can't get into anytime of good groove!  The only thing I have going for me right now is the fact that I walk into the building from the parking lot, take the stairs and walk out..... I guess it is something right and something is better than nothing, although it still isn't good enough (and I know it).  Tonight I am making my son's favorite, mac and cheese and hot dogs... it isn't on the list of great foods to eat but I have saved enough calories today so that it will work.  The last couple nights I have had chicken burgers - which by my books - are absolutely fabulous and probably the best thing invented :) well this week anyways!  Life is still crazy so I am making what I can out of it and trying to do the best and be the best me I can be.... I know I will get there and I know it takes time. :) One step at a time, one day at a time... I will do this and I know I will... I am sticking to my not weighing in until Saturday....the scale freaks me out everytime I get close to it and I am thinking it might bite me so I am staying away.... I will post Saturday how good/bad I have done.  I know I was up from when I started so I am going off of whatever happens this week to determine where I am at and where I need to get to.... I am trying to FOCUS on me and get off the negative. :)

My daily motivation :)

I need some motivation today I am feeling a little down.  I am still missing my friend and that has been eating at me the last few weeks.  I want to write him a letter to let him know how he made me feel but I know by doing that he will probably reply with something pathetic and make me feel a whole lot worse about myself.  So until I am feeling better about things I will wait to send any type of letter.  I am in a good place right now but I feel like I could be in a better spot than I am so I am working on that.  I need to remember what the qoute on the side says and realize that if my friend truly cared about me these things wouldn't have mattered to him.   So here is more daily motivation.....

I need all the motivation I can get.  I am working hard at becoming better.

Who I am:

I am a girl.

I am a woman.

I am a mom.

I am a daughter.

I am a sister.

I am a niece.

I am a best friend.

I am a friend.

I am beautiful.

I am a hard worker.

I am fun.

I am a good person.

I love with all my heart.

I tend to take things very personal.

I am amazing.
I am me.

I am the only me that I have.... and I have to take care of this me.

I want to live a long happy healthy life.

I am stubborn.

I hate the grocery store.

I love the outdoors.

I love to take walks in the park.

I enjoy going to the zoo.

I want for my son to grow up happy and healthy.

I am funny.

I love to laugh.

I love to smile.

I love to love.

A walk to the box.....

I took a short walk today to the mailbox with my son.... he rode his bike and I walked.  It was nice to get out of the house after being inside working all day.  I loved the fresh air and the sun finally came out and was shining it was beautiful.  I love being outdoors it is so relaxing.  I didn't walk far but I did a half a mile and I figured that had to count for something because at least I was moving.  The wind was blowing a little but it was certainly a nice change from the rain that has been moving through the city over the last few days.  My son is so silly today, he thinks that he is buzz light year and is wearing his buzz light year Halloween costume, he makes me laugh and is truly one of the reasons why I am on this amazing journey each and everyday.

I am trying to decide what to fix for dinner tonight.... I jumped on the scale this morning and it hasn't gone down.  I think I am going to wait until my next doctors appointment on the 28th before I weigh in again.  It is so disappointing to not see the number move when you feel that you are doing everything right.  I know I need to get in some more exercise, however as for eating I am doing what I am supposed to.  I have been watching everything and I have really been thinking about everything that goes into my mouth.  I think I need to start tracking it though in a notebook so that I make sure I am not missing any calories.  I might start that next week after I make a trip to the store. 

I miss my friend..... the one who wasn't very nice to me.  I know it sounds silly, but I do..... I miss him, it has been a year now since we talked and it just feels so strange.  I went on vacation recently and it was like everything I did I kept thinking about the times that he was with me and how we used to do those things.  I just need to move on and I am trying but it is hard.  I think that is why I  am writing how I feel here so I can get it out of my head.  I am so used to everyone saying time heals and yes for some things it certainly does but in this case I didn't get any closure and I think that is why it bothers me so much.... I need to focus on me though and my journey...... so I am going to try to put it in the past and move on.

PFG

I have never had anyone following my blog until today so I never mentioned that I had applied to become a writer on the prior fat girl website.  I have read the blog for years now and thought what a great opportunity it would be to blog on the site so that maybe others would read my journey and follow along with me on my way to losing over 130 pounds.  I didn't mention that I had applied because no one was reading my posts here or following my blog.  I am happy that I had applied and I was even happier when I was chosen to become a finalist.  I wasn't sure how it would work but I was super excited.... I was excited to get my story out there and see if others might relate to me and my journey.  I didn't have many relate to my journey and my journey had one of the lowest amounts of votes.  I am okay with that and I am so happy that they found 2 new writers that I can start following along with their journey as well as continue on my own.  The disappointment in not getting to be a writer on the blog and in the fact that I had one of the lowest amounts of votes made me that much more motivated to continue on my journey.  I have a purpose and it is to lose weight and become healthy.... priorfat girl blogging or blogging here I have the same goal.  It made me realize that I need my blog right now for me and that if others choose to follow along I am all the happier.  I enjoy writing and I am working on me for me, I realize that when applying to wrtie on the priorfatgirl website that the post I wrote to get nominated didn't tell everyone who I am as much as I would have liked it to.  So in the next couple a days I will write about where I started, what happened and how far I have come to this point.  I will write about my struggles with my weight loss and the fact that almsot 20 relatives have had weight loss surgery and why I choose to try to get healthy my way and not go under the knife....  I am proud of what I am doing and how far I have come since choosing to write this blog about my weight loss.  I am working on hard and doing good things.  I have been eating healthy and trying to excercise but I will be honest excercise and I don't go hand in hand we aren't really close friends if that tells you anything but I am trying and that is all I can do.... :)

Lettuce Wrap Tacos....and Jelly Beans

I am in love with lettuce wraps.  I love them.  I think they are my new favorite food.  I had a lettuce wrap at work for lunch on Friday.  It was delicious, it had turkey and a slice of provolone and a little dab of mayo., super good!  So last night we made homemade taco wraps, they were almost even more delicious then my turkey cheese lettuce wrap.  It was super filling and tasted delicious!  I think the wraps are going to be a favorite in my house for awhile.  I love finding new things that taste good and are low calorie and filling!

Today was a spring like day it was beautiful compared to the downpours we have had the last few days.  We went to the store, and then we decorate my roommates coworkers office for her Birthday tomorrow.  We then went to the Sunflower Market.  I love that place they have so many things to look at.... but there wasn't enough time for that my 5 year old was so tired and needed a nap badly.  He normally doesn't need to take one but today was an exception.  We came home and snuggled up on the couch watching Alvin and the Chipmunck Chipwrecked, it is a cute movie.  We both took a little snooze then got up.  He is outside playing for awhile that way he will go to sleep tonight. 

So for Easter my roommate bought soooo many bags of Jelly Beans all different flavors, Starburst, Nerds, Jolly Ranchers...I can't wait for them to be gone and out of the house.  I think I might have to secretly start throwing handfuls of them into the trash..... I love Jelly Beans and having them in the house is such a huge temptation.  I only have a couple but every one of them adds up.... Ugh! 

Well tomorrow I am going to write out all of my goals and what I am going to get at each milestone!  I am so excited.  I go back to the Dr. on the 28th and I am super excited to see how I am doing and if I have lost anything...according to my scale I have a loss but I want to see what the Dr. says and then I will post about it.  My first goal is to lose 30 pounds and then I will go from there. :)  Enjoy the rest of your Sunday....looking forward to Monday!

Life Suckers

You know those life sucking people?  The kind that when you are around them they just suck the life out of you?  The kind you avoid reading things they write because they just ruin your good energy... I am trying to rid myself of those type of people and the negative energy.  They are the type of people that just don't make you feel good about yourself or about anything you are doing...they are life suckers.  A quick story on this.... I know I am overweight and I know I need to lose weight.  I have been an up and down person on the scale forever.  I think even once I named my scale the teeter totter.... up one week down the next up one week, up, up, up....until you don't go down anymore.  So at one point I was down and I was feeling good about being me and losing weight.  A "friend" of mine gave me a pair of pretty cute jeans, they had flowers on the butt and at the time they were in style you could say.  I had them on and I was complaining about the front pockets bulging out all the time, now mind you I know that sometimes pockets do this if you are overweight and the pants don't fit right, but these pants fit perfectly fine and were actually a little big "score".  This particular "friend" said to me, well if you lost some weight they might not bulge like that.  These pants were only doing it because they were not sewn properly.... needless to say a year later she asked for her pants back because she wanted them and wanted to start wearing them and I told her no problem they were to big for me anyways (which at the time they were).  It is those type of friends and people in your lives that you need to get away from the negative people that push you down every time you think you have found your ^^ UP ^^ the life suckers..... I am starting to rid myself of these types of "friends" because they truly are not. 
I am finding myself little by little day by day and starting to realize that I am worth it and I don't need to surround myself with negative energy because it doesn't help my weight loss situation in anyway.

I am proud of myself..... I have eaten healthy for the last 2 days, I have done a little exercise not much but I am getting there and I haven't taken the elevator yet and we are half way through the month of April... I have even had days were I have had to go to the 1st floor several times and then back up to my seat and not once have I pushed the button.  I am reaching my goals they are a long ways out but I know that I can reach them and I am making shorter goals with good rewards so I have something to work towards.  I will post more on that later.  Until then have a great day!

Vacation over....time to buckle down.

Vacation is over.... it is time to buckle down to a schedule and a plan.  I am so excited I received my lunch bag and containers.  I can't wait to use them this week. :)  I have decided to plan out my meals Monday through Friday.  I am only eating out lunch once a month.  A friend of mine and I have a date one Friday a month to go out and get lunch.  We try new places sometimes and it is a nice time to get out and away from the office.  I am still taking the stairs everyday and haven't jumped on the elevator at all..... super proud of myself!  I am still getting used to having the treadmill at home and I am planning out a weekly schedule.  I am good at sticking to a schedule or planning things out so that is what I am going to work on this week. 
I am going to do this....I don't want to let life pass me by as I sit on the couch and watch it.....I want to be a part of life and enjoy my son and my family and I love my life and I want to love it even more, not from the sidelines!  I am so excited for this journey. 
So many things have been going on lately and with my vacation it was hard to stay on track but I am back. :)  Nothing much more to write about today but I will let you all in on something I am thinking about .....maybe in a later post this week or maybe next week.  It is exciting and scary all at the same time and something I haven't really given much thought to before so we will see. 

Vacation

I am going on a trip! A road trip to be exact.... I am so excited to get out of the city and head to Las Vegas!! I am also excited to celebrate my sons 5th Birthday! Yes, I can't believe my baby is going to be 5. I love him so much and he is a huge reason to fight for my healthiness. I want to be here for many, many more Birthdays. I am excited for this trip. It is the first time I have taken a vacation with just my mom for a really long time. My Aunt and my 2 younger cousins will also be there but really I get to spend time with my mom and I am super excited about that. I love my mom so much and I don't know what I would do without her. She is such a good friend and I rely on her a lot. She watches my son during the day so that I don't have to pay for daycare and I am super grateful for everything she does for me everyday.

Vacations are a little crazy because of all the eating out that you do but I am prepared. I know what I have to do. I have my nifty apps and I am able to find out how many calories are in the foods I am going to eat and I can even track which foods I eat so that I make sure I am not over my calorie limit.  I also have some snacks packed that I can take with me in the car in case I get hungry while driving.  It is so easy to just pull into a gas station and grab some snacks....and we all know that snacks in the gas station are not that healthy.  I am prepared and I am feeling so good about going on this vacation.  I am also super excited to have a few days off from work and be able to do something fun with my family.  Being a single mom it isn't often that you get to take vacations as they seem to add up and become very expensive so I am so happy that I have this chance to go. :)  I am leaving tomorrow after work and it is going to be so much fun!!  I can hardly wait and I keep watching the clock just hoping time moves a little faster. 

I am also super excited because I ordered some nifty food containers today from www.easylunchboxes.com as recommended on the PFG website.  I am super excited for them to come I ordered the containers and a new lunch sack to put them in..  I can't wait to use them when I get back from Vacation!!  I am super excited to try them. :)  Yay for new things to make life easier and make it easier to pack my lunches during the week.  

VACATION!! :)

Spring like day....

I feel very good about my last post, it got a lot off of my mind and made me feel like I can move on and not look back.  Sometimes writing about how someone made you feel is like that and is needed and gives you that opportunity to put it aside and move on which is what I have done....
I am so excited for spring/summer.  It is the perfect time to be outside doing what I love.  I am so over winter.  Yesterday was a beautiful spring day.  I woke up in the morning and went to my Dr. appointment....to only discovered I had gained a few pounds. :\  I thought I had been doing everything right.  However I won't complain as much because a few of the pounds that I gained were lean muscle mass.  However anytime you gain it is discouraging ...when you are trying so hard to lose.  I have been working really hard I haven't taken the elevator at all and I am making a new goal to not take it the entire month of April.  I also have been walking on the treadmill which for me even moving off of my couch is a huge accomplishment.  I have also been eating healthy and doing really well not eating out. I know what I need to do and I am working on it for sure.  I am going on vacation in a couple of days and I know what I can and can't eat at restaurants that we might be going to.  So I don't feel to overwhelmed about going on this vacation.  So back to my spring day.... after the Dr., we went to the park.  I love the park, I love to walk around, people watch and enjoy the beautiful weather with my son.  I went with my roommate, friend and my son.... the only thing that sucked was the horrible wind we were having.  Even though yesterday was a beautiful warm spring day with the high hitting almost 80, today is cold and we are expecting snow showers in the valley.  The weather here can be so unpredictable.  I can't wait for weeks full of warm weather to spend evenings outside at the park with my son or just being able to take a walk while he rides his bike outdoors.  I am not a huge fan of winter because I am overweight and not able to enjoy many of the winter activities (I am sure I could enjoy them, but I don't).  I am hoping next year is different and I will be able to enjoy some of the winter activities that I used to enjoy like sledding and pretending I knew how to ski. :)  I also love spring/summer because I love to BBQ, love grilled chicken and turkey burgers .... love having people over with fresh salads.  I can't wait as the good weather is expected soon and I am ready for it.  I also can't wait to go on vacation and even better my boy is turning 5!!  I am so excited and love being a mom!  That is another reason I am on this healthiness journey so that I can be here for my son and enjoy running around with him at the park!