Dating and my Crazy day.

I will start off with my crazy day..... I am a single mom, I get up at 4:00 everyday and take my son to my moms which is about a 20 minute drive in the other direction of my office.  I drop him off and then head into the office and then after work, I drive 20 minutes back to pick him up from school and then head home.  I am so thankful that my mom is so helpful and watches my kiddo everyday because I seriously don't know what I would do without her.  So today was crazy busy at work, and then I went to get my kiddo.  I had to pee something crazy, so we stopped off at my moms, used the bathroom and headed out.  We were half way home, and my kiddo seems to throw a fit anytime I take the freeway (he wants to drive on the side roads, it is slower and by the time we get home his friend is home from school)..... so anyhoo we skipped the freeway on ramp, and my kiddo saw an officer on the side of the road, he was up on the curb and my kiddo wanted to know if he could do that....well it isn't against the law or anything, next thing I know I see all these cops, swat teams, headed up the off ramp... I was at the light waiting for it to change.  I looked over and saw they had weapons out and I seriously thought they were gonna shoot someone, my kiddo was crying because he can see everything also (that's how freaking close we were).  Well the car that they were after comes flying down the off ramp and I swear I have never seen so many police officers flying off the freeway in my life.... seriously like 50 of them would not be an exaggeration, it was nuts and super crazy scary all at the same time.  They spiked the guys tires and did a pit maneuver and caught him.... it was honestly the most insane thing I had ever seen, and anyone who knows me, knows how crazy I am and obsessed with police chases etc..., so of course I pulled my ass over and snapped a few photos.  It was insane!  So many people, so many cops, news etc.......

Ahh on to my dating life..... I hate dating, and I also hate being single.  I have been single for 3 + years since I kicked out my X.  I have dated a few times, but nothing serious.  I just hate dating.  I don't know how to take people, I am not a good date, I don't know what to say and I am super awkward.  I have been on 4 dates over the last few months and only one of them kept in touch and wanted to go out again (probably because he was more awkward then I was on our date)!!  I have been talking to a new guy for almost 2 months now, and we have yet to go out.  I just want to go out with him already.  I feel like we know each other pretty well and I just want to meet him already and see what the heck is going to come of it.  Even if we are just friends then I am ok with that, I just want to know.  I have some anxiety about going out with him, because what if he doesn't like me and then all the fun of getting to know him over the last 2 months will be done....what if he does like me, but the feeling isn't mutual... what if we both like each other then what?  Where do you go from there.... dating isn't natural I decided.  I also think I self sabotage my dating.... in my head I don't think I am good enough, I know I am overweight, and just knowing that makes me automatically think that the guy I go out with is going to judge me based on my weight.  I have had it happen so I just assume it will always happen and I freak myself out about it.  I know I need to put myself out there but how do you do that exactly and why does it have to be so scary......well we will see if he asks me out, we were supposed to go to dinner this week and now I am not so sure.  I have this strange feeling he might back out and it honestly wouldn't be the first time someone has.  I think this all stems back to my friend the DB one..... yeah him... you can read about him here post and I think that is what worries me the most.  If he was my best friend and treated me that way because of my weight then anyone could do the same thing, and even though you try to not let it hurt it still does.... day by day though I am getting stronger.