Being Stood Up

Being stood up is strange for me.  I haven't ever been stood up before, well stood up with no explanation and no closure.  Let me set the picture... I am obviously single.  I have been on a handful of dates over the last year.  I met this guy who I thought I really might have a connection with.  We were supposed to go out last Saturday but he was out of town and didn't make it back in time respectfully text let me know, felt bad and said he would make it up to me.  We scheduled a new date for Monday.  We text most of the day and decided where to meet and a time.  Last text said see you at 7:15, I'm excited to meet you.  I text him before leaving the house and no reply.  We were already FB friends so I went on FB and to my surprise I was no longer on his friends list.  Hmm I thought something was wrong with FB surely no grown man would delete me for no reason...needless to say I went to our meeting place he didn't show after a couple text, calling his number and sending an emailing in hopes that nothing was wrong...I look and can see he is online on FB even though we aren't friends his profile is not private.  Is it normal for me to wonder what happened?  Confusion set in for sure and I could just not figure it out, everything seemed to be going good. I feel like I was owed an explanation.  I am not going to dwell on it anymore and this is the last time I will talk about it.  Please if you're a guy and you ask a woman out be respectful of her feelings.  I am hurt because of the fact that I feel like I was owed an explanation but I am not broken and I will not let this ruin me for dating other guys, I just find it odd and hope that if anyone is ever in the situation of being stood up that they know it is his loss and not yours.  We are worth so much more and I know I am worth more. In the past this would have broken me and I would have turned to food and struggled, this time I am stronger and I choose to stay stronger.  We can choose our own happiness.  I hope in life he finds what he is looking for and I hope that one day if our paths do cross he will realize what he lost out on. 

Remember you're worth it...don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're not. 

~ Amy 

Reality and the girl with a pretty face....

Reality is..... I am FAT.  I know in life we don't ever want to face reality, but the truth of the matter is that sometimes we have to.  I am trying everyday to be a better mom, a better friend and a better version of me.  It is hard though, and it gets harder when people kick you when you are already feeling down.  I joined WW 10 weeks ago, and I am trying to eat healthier and it is hard....everything we want in life is hard but we fight for what we want and I am a fighter.  2013 is my year.... and I have been kicked already.... I have had a few struggles the last few years.  The loss of someone I thought was my best friend because of my weight.  I know we can say well he is shallow and he wasn't really your friend anyway.  The truth is he was honest with me.....he didn't sugar coat the reality of the fact that I am FAT...but what hurt is he was my friend and it ruined our friendship.  Recently I was talking to someone....this person seemed Awesome.  He said something about FAT people and I realized, wow this person has seen my face but he hasn't seen me....the thing is I am Awesome, it's true... I have an awesome personality, my laugh is infectious.... I love to smile, I love to make people happy and I am probably one of the most forgiving people you will ever meet in your life... but I am a "bigger person"..... I sent this person a picture of me and that is how he classified me.  He said you have a gorgeous face and that is what attracted me to you...but I didn't realize you were a "bigger person".... I can say what an ass, but it's true.  I am a bigger person I have been for way to long.  I haven't ever truly focused on myself and taken care of me.  Truth is that I need to, I am important.  I need to do this for me and for my son so that I am here for a long time to take care of him.  I realize what this person said was so hurtful it made me feel so small.  It made me feel like I wasn't worth anyones time, and that I didn't deserve to be happy.  The truth is that I deserve to be happy.  I deserve to have someone want to spend time with me.... and if this person or my old friend didn't want to spend time with me how I am now then they don't deserve to spend time with me at all.  I am worth so much more than that.  I know I am worth more.  I will Rock 2013.....I plan to blog more often, workout more often and continue with my WW and my goal to lose 60 pounds by the time I go to Florida in June to see my sister... I can do this one day at a time.  I thank all of the assholes who tell me that I am just a girl with a pretty face because one day I will be a girl with a pretty face and a hot body and you won't see this girl even looking your way.  The sad thing about that is I am Awesome and you won't ever get to see anything beyond your shallow way of thinking...... here I am come 2013, I am not looking back ever again this is my year.